The Last First Day???? Part Two

It is now the beginning of September, the 4th to be exact, so we are dangerously close to the dreaded "first day of school," a day that has lived in infamy for me personally for almost all of my life, with the exception of probably about six years total!

When I was a little girl I was horribly school phobic (go figure) to the point where I once ran all the way back home in the rain after my mother had dropped me off at school.  So beginning the new school year with trepidation has had a rich and storied history for me that lingers to this late day.

Usually starting about Thursday of the week before school I get "that feeling," that nagging little disconcerting feeling that something is just not right, and as Labor Day weekend ensues, I become progressively more and more out of sorts, not a debilitating fear, just a nasty little prickly sensation lurking right beneath the surface of my skin.  I try to put it out of my mind by keeping busy, planning activities, going to my beloved beach, but as soon as I slow down, there it is, that sinking feeling that used to be, as a kid, full blown nausea.  For those non-teachers out there, imagine the feeling of starting a new job after being out of work for two months, but this new job, from moment number one, requires you to be at top performance strength, and has you working on a daily basis with what an old colleague of mine used to refer to as "unfinished persons." For my fellow teachers, especially the new ones, I wish I could say it goes away after a few years, but I'd be lying to you.

So why the dress?  Well, one of the ways that I have developed of coping with that miserable first day feeling is to make sure that I have my "first day of school dress" ready to go to work with me. (This year I bought it in June because you know those crazy season rushing department stores.  I can't exactly wear a woolen dress on September 7!) You know how you always feel better in a brand new outfit, one without any memories attached to it?  A clean slate.  Who doesn't enjoy the feeling of cutting the tags off?  It gives you a little lift just to know that even if you don't feel so good, at least you look good, in the paraphrased words of the old Billy Crystal Fernando Lamas Saturday Night Live parody.

On the morning of September 7th, I'll wake up at 5:40, cut off my tags, choke down a quick breakfast, and start what just might be the last first day of school of my entire life, and I'll be thinking of how much I'll enjoy the Labor Day Weekend next year.  Hell, I might even go to the U.S. OPEN!

The Last First Day???? Part One

Since this is my first of these blog entries as I document the final moments of my career, I think it is only fitting to go back to the beginning.  The photo above was taken in September of my first year of teaching, oddly enough as I took a week off right after I started to go on a pre-planned trip to Hawaii with my friend Ellen's uncle's DEA agents convention (whole other story, believe me!)  I had gotten my job during the first week of school, and when I interviewed, I explained that this pending trip was already arranged and that I would like to go, but understood if I couldn't.  They agreed to allow me to take a week off (without pay, of course), even though I would need to be absent during the last week of September.

If I look like a deer in the headlights it's because that's exactly what I was.  The trip to Hawaii was wonderful, and I loved every minute of it, but I did pay a price.

Teaching is an extremely difficult career to begin.  Pretty much fresh out of school with little to no experience in the classroom, (well, three weeks in upstate Margaretville--but that's another whole other story) I was terrified, pretty much paralyzed with fear on a daily basis.  There are very few more harrowing experiences than closing the classroom door to a room of 25 teenagers with the attitude of, "Ok, what do you think you've got, why should we listen, and how can we defeat you?"

New teachers, especially very young new teachers (some of my students, seniors, were only 4-5 years younger than I), need to develop nerves of steel, a very thick skin, and a quality of perseverance that few new professionals have to have as they leave the starting gate.  There's no hiding at your desk when things aren't going well for a teacher.  You are "ON" from bell to bell.

Needless to say, that doe-eyed young girl in the picture (second from the left btw) had a lot to learn and a lot of bumps and bruises to endure before she would feel comfortable in her new job, and unfortunately taking a week off just when she was getting started created a whole new "first day of school" for her when she came back from Hawaii.  It was so bad that I would go in to my director at least once a week to tell him I was quitting (again).

Somehow I did make it through the numerous "first days" of my first year, and am here still alive to tell the story.  Now I am two weeks away from what may be my LAST first day, and my feelings are running the gamut from exhilaration to melancholy to anxiety to anticipation.  I am hoping that this new little blogging adventure will help.