If I look like a deer in the headlights it's because that's exactly what I was. The trip to Hawaii was wonderful, and I loved every minute of it, but I did pay a price.
Teaching is an extremely difficult career to begin. Pretty much fresh out of school with little to no experience in the classroom, (well, three weeks in upstate Margaretville--but that's another whole other story) I was terrified, pretty much paralyzed with fear on a daily basis. There are very few more harrowing experiences than closing the classroom door to a room of 25 teenagers with the attitude of, "Ok, what do you think you've got, why should we listen, and how can we defeat you?"
New teachers, especially very young new teachers (some of my students, seniors, were only 4-5 years younger than I), need to develop nerves of steel, a very thick skin, and a quality of perseverance that few new professionals have to have as they leave the starting gate. There's no hiding at your desk when things aren't going well for a teacher. You are "ON" from bell to bell.
Needless to say, that doe-eyed young girl in the picture (second from the left btw) had a lot to learn and a lot of bumps and bruises to endure before she would feel comfortable in her new job, and unfortunately taking a week off just when she was getting started created a whole new "first day of school" for her when she came back from Hawaii. It was so bad that I would go in to my director at least once a week to tell him I was quitting (again).
Somehow I did make it through the numerous "first days" of my first year, and am here still alive to tell the story. Now I am two weeks away from what may be my LAST first day, and my feelings are running the gamut from exhilaration to melancholy to anxiety to anticipation. I am hoping that this new little blogging adventure will help.
